Have you ever been in a relationship where you were afraid to share your thoughts, feelings and deepest fears? We have and it feels awful to have to hide the way you truly feel or be manipulated to think that your emotions don't matter.
One of the many things we cherish about our relationship is the way we communicate and express our emotions.
Now, for the longest time, both women and men have been encouraged to express their emotions but only a certain way that is acceptable to society standards.
We, of course, believe that expressing your emotions is healthy and one of the most important things you can do is talk to your partner about the way you feel in a safe and calm environment.
This week we both got super vulnerable with each other and it led to some really meaningful conversation. We shared our fears, our stress and our past and it was one of the most beautiful experiences. By all means, it was not easy however, we both felt relieved, protected and supported. It was like a weight had lifted and we got closer.
We both saw each other in a state of raw vulnerability and there was no judgement or yelling, no dismissing or putting one another down.
We held space for each other, shared what was on our hearts and grew.
We think society needs to start normalizing real conversations, real vulnerability and real judgement-free moments with others.
We all have shit, we all have baggage, we all failed and we all got back up. It's what makes us human.
However, when you find a partner to be with it seems like there is a divide in humans that like to openly express feelings vs humans who are scared to share and who put down others for sharing.
We think it's conditioning and probably trauma of them not feeling supported when expressing how they feel but in reflection, no healthy relationship lasts with communication that is either lacking or full of judgement and pain.
Relationships should be full of patience, love, kindness, joy, support and growth.
For us, we have an unintentional workflow for expressing what we are feeling with each other and invite you to use ours or create your own.
1) Assess our own emotions internally.
Instead of getting mad, taking things out on the other person right away we assess. We ask ourselves questions, we look back at the Four Agreements and we decide how to proceed.
Questions we ask ourselves:
Why am I feeling that way?
Is it them or is it really me projecting my feelings?
Am I making assumptions?
Am I taking what they are saying personally?
Am I going through something unrelated to them?
Am I feeling this way because I'm being triggered from the past?
Either the questions are providing answers that can solve our problems (maybe we don't even need to bring up our emotions anymore because we are healed from the assessment) OR now that we assessed we need to ask our partner questions to understand further OR we need to share with our partner to get it off our chest.
2) Always Ask Questions
If you're not sure or need clarification, just ask.
Hey babe, what did you mean by that?
Babe, I don't think I understand, do you mind clarifying?
A simple question can go along way.
3) Hold space for each other.
We don't always respond right away, we allow the other person to express their feelings and then we respond with love, kindness and compassion. We may ask more questions like how can I support you? How can I help you feel better? What do you need right now?
Our hearts are open, we are listening and holding space.
4) Instead of judgement use love
We both have pasts that we can't change or fix. Instead of judging each other, we love each other more for the mistakes, the wins and success we have made. There is no point to put someone else down for the past.
5) No yelling and no fighting policy
We promised each other we would never yell or fight with one another.
We talk calmly about the way we feel and honestly, never had a reason to fight.
6) End with positivity
Hug, kiss, laugh, dance, sing, just end the conversation with positivity so you can move forward and feel uplifted together. Just because you were vulnerable, expressive and maybe even sad, doesn't mean you have to be like that for the rest of the day.
By all means, we are not professionals at this we just follow our hearts and know what works and doesn't work for us.
Let us know your opinion and what works for you.
Peace, love and carrots